ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes... la la la

I seem to find myself with legitimate down time in my new position.

Whee! This will probably only last as long as I'm a newbie... but when I'm waiting on busy people to show me the way, I can blog and surf and play.

So... whirlwind of activity over the past few days.

Tuesday was really quite an awful day. I was...freaking out, basically. I'm ashamed of this. I will tell you all about it in a little while, but suffice to say, I don't like myself when I'm a freakazoid.

The only good thing about Tuesday is an old friend, who at one time was basically my assistant, is now head of several departments. I spoke to him (at my mother's insistence. I really was just freaking out too much to think of such a logical course on my own). He offered me several positions to choose from that I could have if (a)my director's replacement didn't mind letting me go, and (b)the manager of the department I was interested in agreed. I'm old buddies with him too, so I wasn't too worried. However, I also know there are about a dozen people trying to get into his department... so I wasn't real sure of myself either.

Wednesday arrived and I could not find the manager of this dept. This continued until noon or so... so basically I was at loose ends all morning. I hadn't slept too well the night before and was nervous and basically on a low-boil freakout. Blah blah blah... I have the job. Yay! Except... not so yay. I still feel a bit freakish... because they really wanted me because of my programming experience... which I ejected from my brain way back when I first left programming over four years ago. Additionally, any residual knowledge I retained was completely erased when I became pregnant. I feel a lot of pressure now to reinvent myself...and yet I'm still working part-time, and I don't want a career... I just want to be a mom!

Sigh.

There's also a tendency for this all-guy department to be foul-mouthed and make sly comments (regarding making the newbie do such-and-such (strictly work related, nothing that would anger my husband, if you know what I mean)) that I totally miss. I'm clueless on all the inside jokes.

This all makes me very lonely for the close buds I used to have when I was working in the technical departments of this company years ago. They are all gone now, on to bigger and better things. I miss my friends! That's another thing I'll have to talk to you all about later on. This feeling of being almost friendless. sigh.

well, as I embark upon this new...adventure, I'll try to keep you posted.

Of all the times not to be procrastination, this is it.

I will likely be losing my job due to downsizing within the next month. Last month they let 50 people go, yesterday they demoted the COO and my very own boss. Ouch. Quite a few people in other departments, mostly management types, were demoted and re-assigned. So... I know my turn is coming.

I've always kind of flippantly said that if I lost my job, at least I'd get to stay home with Eve. But right now, I'd have to find a new home to stay at if I lost my job... so, I take it all back.

Ruminating on my resume and the (im)possibility of finding a new job in the middle of summer that is part time and flexible, no nights or weekends (you know, all the jobs the college kids and highschoolers already snapped up) has me considering what else I can find to do. Obviously, I'll be looking for other jobs...but what if I could just do nothing?

Maybe you've heard of One Red Paperclip. It's just one of those almost cost-free publicity stunts that has to be profitable... not to mention that this guy may eventually actually get a house... all from trading up on a paperclip. There's the Million dollar website that sells pixel advertising... I mean... how do I get in on this? I think I have to be more creative and less... cynical about things.

I guess I could always go back to programming. Maybe Microsoft is hiring.

Well... there you go. Not a fun update, but that's life.

Myspace

So... what's up with myspace?

I don't have a "myspace". Do you?

The few spaces of others I've visted have... let's just say, offended my sense of visual order. ick. Am I really too old to "get" myspace?

My little brother has a space, as does my even littler nephew... and I suspect my niece does too... although she'd have to lie about her age...

Am I missing out on a way cool feature of the net?

Sigh...

So, where have I been lately? I've been in an absolute fever of creative activity. No...not writing, but crafting! I'm mostly not very good. But, I've been having fun, and it's much easier to do with Eve under foot than writing is... for me anyway.

If you want to see the two things I've actually completed, check out these threads on the way cool crafting forum, Craftster.org.

First, an embroidered onesie

And my very first solo sewing project, a reversible clutch

Before I found Craftster, I was not particularly interested in crafting anything... and now I'm very disappointed that I took wood shop instead of home-ec. :)

So why the sigh? My life is in turmoil. Well, really, only work is in turmoil, but it's very difficult to... separate anxiety about work and the rest of my life, when it's so very important for me to be working for us to stay afloat.

On top of that... I've been feeling uncharacteristically lacking in self-esteem. Tom and I used to have this incredibly busy schedule...we always had something going, people to entertain, places to go. But lately... I feel like we have no friends, like *I* have no friends. Not that I have no friends at all, after all, I have you all. Just no friends close by to get together with, no one to share the day-to-day annoyances (oh yes... and joys) with.

I don't think that normally bothers me, but this past week, it's set me to wondering why that is? Why are all my close friends actually quite far away, and my near friends mostly tepid? Is it me?

I'm afraid I'm getting a bit down... so I think I won't go on. I don't like negativity...so basically, I hope you all are doing well.