Thursday, June 29, 2006

ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes... la la la

I seem to find myself with legitimate down time in my new position.

Whee! This will probably only last as long as I'm a newbie... but when I'm waiting on busy people to show me the way, I can blog and surf and play.

So... whirlwind of activity over the past few days.

Tuesday was really quite an awful day. I was...freaking out, basically. I'm ashamed of this. I will tell you all about it in a little while, but suffice to say, I don't like myself when I'm a freakazoid.

The only good thing about Tuesday is an old friend, who at one time was basically my assistant, is now head of several departments. I spoke to him (at my mother's insistence. I really was just freaking out too much to think of such a logical course on my own). He offered me several positions to choose from that I could have if (a)my director's replacement didn't mind letting me go, and (b)the manager of the department I was interested in agreed. I'm old buddies with him too, so I wasn't too worried. However, I also know there are about a dozen people trying to get into his department... so I wasn't real sure of myself either.

Wednesday arrived and I could not find the manager of this dept. This continued until noon or so... so basically I was at loose ends all morning. I hadn't slept too well the night before and was nervous and basically on a low-boil freakout. Blah blah blah... I have the job. Yay! Except... not so yay. I still feel a bit freakish... because they really wanted me because of my programming experience... which I ejected from my brain way back when I first left programming over four years ago. Additionally, any residual knowledge I retained was completely erased when I became pregnant. I feel a lot of pressure now to reinvent myself...and yet I'm still working part-time, and I don't want a career... I just want to be a mom!


There's also a tendency for this all-guy department to be foul-mouthed and make sly comments (regarding making the newbie do such-and-such (strictly work related, nothing that would anger my husband, if you know what I mean)) that I totally miss. I'm clueless on all the inside jokes.

This all makes me very lonely for the close buds I used to have when I was working in the technical departments of this company years ago. They are all gone now, on to bigger and better things. I miss my friends! That's another thing I'll have to talk to you all about later on. This feeling of being almost friendless. sigh.

well, as I embark upon this new...adventure, I'll try to keep you posted.