Under the knife

Tom goes in for his second hip surgery on Wednesday.

I am trying to remain positive, but I know without a doubt that Tom's going to be in a lot of pain for at least a week, and it just tears me apart to see him so...wounded.

I was praying/thinking on my way to work today. Even if this surgery is "successful" Tom may not be back to normal, physically speaking, ever. For a guy who made his living with the strength of his body, this is quite an adjustment. Why do I think this? Well, his knee surgery was successful, but his knee is not completely back to normal. And this surgery, basically weakening his hip joint, could have a lot more long-term consequences, even if it reduces his pain.

It makes me really sad to think that we will likely never resume our physically active lifestyle. No more boating? No more Wakeboarding? No more day hikes or after-dinner walks? All this time since the accident, I've expected things to get back to normal someday, so we could resume the activities we enjoyed together. I don't feel confident of that at all today.

The reality is, Tom is probably looking at a career change. I'm thinking I really need to start adjusting my expectations in regards to the length of time I may be working. It just breaks my heart to say that, because I already feel less connected to Israel than I felt to Eve when she was this age, and I feel like this just makes it worse. I can tell by his sleeping and eating habits that my long absences two days a week have made an impact.

At work, I haven't been the star employee, but today I resolved to stop having a short-timers attitude, and start working a bit more like I value my job--which is something I should have been doing even if I won't be here long.

I feel fairly confident that Tom won't make any career decisions that would require me to work any more than I am currently, but on the other hand, he may not have that much control. I like to think that if his income changed significantly for the worse, he would also consider selling the house to get our monthly expenditures reduced somewhat, but I don't want to rely on that.