Thursday, July 19, 2007


So, I've been having a few weird dreams I thought I'd share with you.

The first was short and vivid, and woke me up with a start. I wouldn't call it a nightmare, but it wasn't a good dream, either.

First, I watched my cat jump away in pain from a spider she'd been playing with. Eve was with me, but not in my arms, and the spider walked away from the cat with two legs it was attacking. We jumped out of the way, and it scurried behind a piece of furniture. Before it was hidden, it grew, turned red, and suddenly had wings, though it didn't fly. It was also oddly shaped, with a pointed front end and a larger rear-end, a bit like a mouse. Which makes sense, because it suddenly turned around and was a mid-sized white mouse. I'm not sure why, but I instinctually stepped on the mouse. I was wearing rather thin shoes, and I could feel it squirm beneath my feet, and could tell that even with all my weight, I wasn't really doing anything to it. I lifted my foot and it began to run away. My cat, meanwhile, was lolled on its side, yet to recover from the spider bite. I told Eve it was okay and stepped on the mouse again. The same thing, only this time when I lifted my foot, it jumped up on me. That's what woke me up.

The latest one was even shorter and not nearly as vivid, although seemed totally real and distressing nonetheless. I can't even remember much of the details, except at the baby's birth someone announced, "It's a girl!"

I was quite upset. First, I've desired a boy because I think sibling relations may be easier when one can be the family definition of feminine and one can be the masculine one... no degrees of femininity, so no worries about creating complexes in a little girl's psyche. Second, we have planned and prepared for a boy (With Eve, I was never positive, so everything was done, at least by me, with the assumption that it could go either way. I didn't even wash up all the new girl clothes we received, just the hand-me-downs. And I took a white outfit to the hospital with two onesies, one for a girl in pink and white stripes, and one for a boy that I can't really remember now.) and if we have a girl, there will be much scrambling to fix the clothing situation. And of course, I'd been confidently stating that the baby was definitely a boy, so now I was embarrassed to be so confident and so wrong. Also, we have a boy's name (if not the middle name) but no girl's name, because by the time we started looking at names, we'd found out the sex, so there was no need to do twice the work when deciding on the name. How could this happen?!

And then I woke up. Phew! It seemed so real, I was quite shocked to find myself still pregnant. I sure hope it wasn't a premonition.